Five Types of Friends You Don’t Need In Your Life
Hi guys! Today I decided to write about friendship, and the types of friendships I truly believe you’ll be better off without. I’ve always had friends from all over the place- I’ve been to two colleges, moved 10x since 18, worked over 10 jobs, and I switched districts in high school. The more I’ve grown up, the more I’ve realized the value of good friendships and what it takes to be a good friend.
With that being said, a part of growing up is also realizing when friendships are no longer serving you, and sometimes when friendships are doing more damage than good. It’s never fun to come to terms with losing a friendship, but I genuinely believe in letting go of bad friendships in order to make room for new ones and for your existing friendships to grow. Here are five types of friendships I don’t think any of us need:
The rude friend:
In college, I met a girl through my sorority who I started quickly becoming friends with. We had mutual friends and worked at the same place so we saw each other a lot. One thing I couldn’t shake in the time I was friends with her was how she treated people. She would constantly say or do subtle little things that weren’t very nice. She was so good at making everyone around her feel less than, and everything was a competition to her, even when there was no competition- just a very negative person overall. She was never rude to me though, so I always made excuses for her and hoped one day she would change. And then one day she was extremely rude to me too, and I realized I was an idiot for not seeing what was right in front of me. When people show you their true colors, believe them!
The friend you never see unless you make all the plans
I’ve carried so many of these friendships over the years before I realized, for the first time ever this year, that I don’t need to do that anymore. If the only time you ever see a friend is when you make the plans and invite them out, that’s not friendship- that’s a one-way street that you don’t need to be on. I had a friend who I’d known for over 5 years, and 99% of the times that we hung out were when I texted or called her first. And it got exhausting after a while. I was always in charge of finding the restaurants we went to, coordinating rides when we went out, finding fun things to do in our boring town, and texting her with the plans. It’s not fair to put that much responsibility on any one person in a friendship, and so one day I just…stopped. And once I stopped texting and calling first, we longer saw each other anymore, because I was always the one responsible for maintaining our friendship. As sad as it is losing long-term friendships, it’s always so great to see the truth for what it is.
The friend who can’t be happy for you
I cannot understand for the life of me why some people don’t get excited and happy for their friends when something good happens to them. I have worked extremely, extremely hard for the things I have in my life, and I love sharing good news because I honestly usually get way more bad news than good news. Whenever a friend has shared their good news with me, my mind’s always gone to, “I’m SO happy for you!” and “Oh my gosh congratulations!” and “That’s so exciting, you totally deserve it”. And I wish that was the same for everybody, but it’s not. I’ve had more than a few friendships I let go in the end because I genuinely couldn’t share my life wins without them making me feel silly or like I was bragging when I wasn’t. Everybody who works hard in life deserves people who won’t put you down for sharing your progress. If people can’t be happy for you and celebrate your life’s special moments, that’s not a true friend.
The friend who makes you feel stupid.
I had this friend once in college who thought she knew everything. Sometimes she would tell me something that I didn’t know, and if I asked her questions about it she’d literally call me dumb for not knowing that already- not in a joking way, but in a “you’re so stupid I can’t” way. It got to a point where she acted like I was the dumbest person she knew and that really hurt. Over time, it changed the way I viewed myself because I spent so much of my time with this person. If someone in your life is going out of their way to make you feel dumb, you deserve to have enough self-respect to let that person go. It’ll truly do you wonders in life.
The friend who doesn’t appreciate you
If you’re anything like me and have a very giving personality, you need to learn when friends are taking advantage of you, and when that advantage can sometimes turn into abuse. I’ll never forget a friend I made in college who would expect people to do the most for them, without so much as a thanks. One night she had too much to drink so I took her back to my dorm to recover. I held her hair over the toilet, made her a makeshift bed, charged her phone, texted her mom, walked over to her dorm to get her contacts case, took off her makeup, and checked in on her throughout the night because that’s what friends are for. Another time I drove her date home from a party because she decided to ditch him without making sure he had a ride home. On top of that, my other friends and I had to lie to her date about why she left because she didn’t want to tell him herself. Both times I didn’t get a thank you for going out of my way. In the end, she lost out on so many good friends who didn’t want to be around someone ungrateful. Remember, it’s always their loss and never yours.
“We’re born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for a moment that we’re not alone”